MAYDAY

May Day.  Mayday!  This has nothing to do with May Day.

Verbal "Mayday" is the same as SOS by Morse Code.  It means you are in trouble! Deep shit!  . . . but why "mayday"?

It's all because of the French.  In French, "m'aider" means "help me".  Believe it or not, the French pronounce "m'aider" as "mayday."

If you're in peril, say it three times: "Mayday, mayday, mayday, identify yourself and your vehicle, describe the problem, your location, then the actions you are taking and plan to take."   After this, a short prayer is in order.

Of course, if you have a cell phone, dial 911 and make sure location services are on.  Most of the country is now set up for "emergency SOS" for you iPhone which gives the 911 operator your exact location.   On my iPhone, you can hit the on/off button five times quickly and it will dial for you.  On newer iPhones, you need to hold down the on/off and a volume button at the same time.

Check out your phone, to see how it works.  And, if all else fails and all looks lost, stay calm, sit down, put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.  Happy May Day.