TP (toilet paper)

I hope this is not an uncomfortable subject for you.  If so, you could read it in the privacy of your rest room . . . or is it bathroom?  . . or toilet?  . . or loo?  . . or WC?

First, let's get the dirty words out of the way.  I hope this makes this article more palatable to you. (That may have been a bad choice of words under the circumstances.)

Word number one:  "poop".  (maybe poop should have been number two).  It's a very good word; not gross or dirty or vulgar.  Its not as sanitary as "number two" but a more usable word.  (My doctor even asked me how my poop was.)  He could have said feces or fecal matter but we are close friends.
My favorite cuss word of all time is sh*t.  That is vulgar, I suppose.  Unless, of course, you say it in a different language the way my wife's family did:  "Scheisse";  I guess it's okay then.  Crap isn't too bad - everyone thinks it's better than shit, of course.

Word number two:  "anus".  This is the posterior opening of the digestive tract.  Your buns or bum or butt or ass surround it.  Oh yes, it is a hole.  You've likely been called a combination of these words once or twice in your life.  (Get over it.)

Well, I could go on and on but I think you must have been desensitized to bathroom language by now. On to toilet paper.  It is largely an American invention and here, I'm concentrating on the use of TP in America.  The first TP was produced in the U.S. in the 1870s, I think.  TP as we know it, wasn't in popular use until much later than that.  (No, it wasn't invented by Mr. Whipple.)

Before TP, people used whatever they could find that was appropriate.  Here are some samples:
rocks (ouch), sea shells (ouch, ouch), leaves, moss, corn cobs and lace doilies (medieval kings). Americans started using paper whenever newspapers were available until the 1890s when the Sears Roebuck catalog became popular.  Every outhouse had a catalog and it was not just for reading.  If the pages ran out before the next issue of the catalog arrived, the Farmers Almanac was put to use. This went well until the catalog printers started using glossy paper.  That was the final impetus for toilet paper as we know it.

Today, in the USA, we use $6 billion of TP per year.  Each person uses about 50 pounds of it.   About a million trees per year go into making it for us.  Two-ply, three-ply, four-ply, quilted, scented, puffed-up, even lotioned;  we have to have our toilet paper.  No matter that the price keeps going up and the rolls keep getting smaller.

For me, I say, save a tree;  install a bidet.

The idea for this came from my favorite website stuffyoushouldknow.com.  Try it, you'll like it.
😎