WAR

 Fights and wars are fought and won by escalating the attacks.  Men with knives, then men with guns, then men on horses with knives and guns, then mortars, then cannons, then armored vehicles, then tanks, then bombs, then bigger bombs.  

This is what I was thinking about after my latest skirmish.  The battleground was our bathtub shower -  recently renewed.  We have a cute little shelf in the corner near the shower head which holds soap and the dozen other things women need in a shower.  As I stepped in earlier this week, I noticed a large, no huge, spider on said shelf.  

Let me say right off, spiders do not scare me.   So I bravely tried to give a whack at it with my body soap bottle with the full intention of knocking into the tub and washing it down the drain immediately.  I was startled when I saw it fly, jump or swing across the tub to the shower curtain.  There I was, naked as a jaybird, and my foe had me by surprise.  Maybe, it wasn't a spider at all.  What the hell was it? 

Now came the choice to jump out of the tub and run like a baby (and let my wife deal with it) or stay and fight.  I manned up and decided to fight.  

I was now whaling and gingerly swinging at it.  Of course, I didn't really want to touch it.  Finally, I floored it into the tub.  I was on the balls of my feet, prancing back and forth, trying to avoid it.  It was strong and the shower water was not strong enough to overpower it and flush it down the drain.  It plodded toward the far end of the tub.  Oh no!  What would it do if it made it there?

This was when it occurred to me how wars are fought and won.  I needed a larger weapon.  

When our bathroom was renewed, we had a fancy shower get-up installed that included a large rain nozzle and a separate hand wand each with various settings.  Quickly I switched from shower mode to hand-wand mode.  Next, with the speed of a man possessed, I switched the wand to butt-blaster mode. (If you have one, you know what that is.)  My enemy was no match for my new weapon.  All I had to do was stand to one side and swoosh him down the drain.  My heart was pounding in my chest.

When the war subsided, I felt as cool as Indiana Jones when he set aside his whip, pulled out a gun and shot the Arab coming at him with a large knife.  I told you, I'm not afraid of spiders, but I always want a better weapon.  

Could that thing swim around in the trap and then find it's way back up into the tub?  I think I'll forgo showers for a few days.